"As we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others, we should be glad of the opportunity provided to serve self-interest when Al Gore created the internet; and we should also thank Mark Zuckerburg and Jack Dorsey for creating Facebook and Twitter out of the kindness of their big hearts and not the thinness of their small wallets."
-Ben Franklin, Autobiography (1742)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

'I will not tell a lie' : George Washington and The Life of Pi

In 2001, Yann Martel published the book Life of Pi many people were dupped into thinking that this was a novel about the fictional character Piscine Molitor Patel. After some major historical research and digging we were able to uncover that this book was actually a not so fictional account of President George Washington. Martel secretly chose the name Pi, first of all, because GW just looked too awkward. Who would want to read a book called Life of GW? Instead Pi stands for President i, or President One. A quick glance at any American History book will clearly tell us that President One is George Washington. Unfortunately, making this connection was not as simple as decoding two letters. It took weeks and weeks of intense study and discovery. Several quotes pointed us in the right direction:

"Be courteous to all animals, but intimate with few tigers, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."

Reading this quote we were quite perplexed. We knew GW to be a worldly man, but we were unaware that he had any experience with tigers, as we thought he was never exposed to any exotic animals. It was through this that we first learned Valley Forge was actually a winter spent in Siberia, we of course were able to determine this through climatilogical studies. We came across another letter that must have explained the trip back from Russia as it said...
"There is nothing so likely to produce peace as to be well prepared to meet a furry enemy in a hurricane with sword drawn."
George Washington, letter to Elbridge Gerry, Jan. 29, 1780

This letter was also quite strange because it seemed to be referencing a very specific moment that we had previously been unaware of. It wasn't until my associate Foggy was in a bar (Applebee's) near Mount Vernon that we discovered the answer. He came upon the following photo:

On the back of the Trumbull painting was a letter that cemented the case. It said the following.

"Dear Yenn,

This painting tells the story of my years as Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army. You must follow the clues I have left on BrainyQuote to determine the story. When I said that  'it is better to be alone on a small boat with a tiger, a hungry hyena, an Orangutan and a Zebra than in bad company.' I wasn't telling a lie. You must either determine, or fabricate the rest of this story. Tell America, tell the world, but don't tell them it was me. America needs new hero's and in that capacity I can no longer serve.

For liberty,



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