"As we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others, we should be glad of the opportunity provided to serve self-interest when Al Gore created the internet; and we should also thank Mark Zuckerburg and Jack Dorsey for creating Facebook and Twitter out of the kindness of their big hearts and not the thinness of their small wallets."
-Ben Franklin, Autobiography (1742)

Friday, April 27, 2012

The Most Talented American: A Story of Jefferson's Tutelage

When we think of the most talented American I think many of us think of Thomas Jefferson. He birthed a University, literally. He wrote the Declaration of Independence. He designed the Virginia Capitol Building. His talents were innumerable. That being said we simply need to look to Jefferson's own words to see who he believes is the most talented American.

'Ya'll know that valuablest talent is never using two words fer one.'
     -Thomas Jefferson in a letter to Jeffery Foxnotworthy 1803

Jeffery took this letter and posted it about his computer as soon as it was delivered by the Pony Express. When we found it we realized that he only posted the redacted version as it just said 'Ya'll know. -T. Jizzle

It was at this point that Jeffery decided to create a dictionary showcasing his talents. This dictionary is still in use today and is utilized to make the English language more efficient and productive to the people of the world. We've included several examples below:

Jeetyet = Did you eat yet?
Yonto = Do you want to?

Person 1: I'm hungry, jeetyet?
Person 2: Naw, yonto?

Juanita = we're going to need
Retina = right now

Juanit another six pack of beer, so ya'll get your butts over here retina.

Courtesy = care to see
Hey Jim, courtesy my new pick up?

Usurp = use syrup

Person one: Hey, would you like to use some jam on your pancakes?
Person 2: Nah, I'll usurp.

Wigeon: which one
I got a bud and a coors wigeon you want?

Cadillacs = caddy lacks
My cadillacs the discipline needed to be a good golfer.

Mayonnaise = man there is
Mayonnaise a lot of people up here at this party.

Often we think that Jefferson's majorest contribution to the UnitedStates is the Declaration of Independence. If we take uneven broader view of his motivating Mr. Foxnotunworthy we can see that he helped create an English language that is more efficient and useful to all people. Thank ya Mr. Jefferson. Thank ya.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Kidnapping in the White House?! In 1833?


We have a shocker for you history buffs today - the Lost and Founders recently uncovered evidence that suggests former President Martin Van Buren actually began his term as Vice President to Andrew Jackson in 1833 under duress.

Martin Van Buren, nick-named as a child "The Van Urinator," was a misunderstood man who cam from humble beginnings. Born in New York in 1782 to a wealthy Dutch family, Martin grew up speaking Dutch and according to sources was actually not very good at English. Despite his sheer brilliance in the political arena when he ventured into the realm of politics as a young man in his 30's while attempting to help found the Democratic Party, he initially struggled to gain support from his peers because of his thick accent and tendency to slip into Dutch when nervous or excited. In fact, many members of Congress, including the then-current president John Quincy Adams, were convinced that Van Buren was actually a Dutch spy.

For this reason, President Adams wrote a little-known letter to his successor Andrew Jackson upon leaving office, warning him of potential treachery:

"...keep your friends close and your enemies closer. By this I mean that wily Van Buren gentleman, for he is surely an agent of the Queen or King or whatever they have in the Netherlands."

- J.Q. Adams, 1832.

Andrew Jackson was not a man to take threats lightly. Recent accounts that have come to light now lead us to believe that as a result of this letter, Jackson's supporters kidnapped Van Buren from his New York estate and held him captive for the next several years. During that time, Jackson appointed Van Buren as his Vice President in order to keep an eye on him (Jackson was usually very clever, though this particular scheme was not among his most impressive).

Van Buren served under Jackson for the entirety of his four year term; all while being instructed in proper English and being watched carefully. Despite his failings, he flourished as a VP and was considered by many to be one of the most shrewd politicians of his day. Each night, Jackson would put him to bed saying, "Good work today Martin, I'll most likely kill you in the morning." He never did though, and over the years they became good friends and close confidants, and Van Buren learned much about the ways of pirating and diplomacy from his captor.

At the end of Jackson's term, he is on record as having pulled Van Buren aside and explained his desire for Van Buren to succeed him. He stated that he was mostly sure that Van Buren was probably not a Dutch spy, and that at any rate he was the only man the paranoid Jackson trusted to lead the nation into its next great years. Van Buren, whether under the effects of patriotism or Stockholm Syndrome we will never know for sure, accepted and ran for President with the support of Jackson, ensuring his victory and four years of glory for the United States of America.

Shockingly, Van Buren's tenure was largely considered a failure, ending with the Panic of 1837 for which he was used as a scapegoat and given the new nickname of "Martin Van Ruin."

You can't make this stuff up. History really is stranger than fiction.

Have a good weekend!
The Lost and Founders